Imagine a future where gigantic multinational corporations control where you live, what you eat, what car you drive, and what newspaper you read. Actually, forget the future — that's the present. But in this dystopian present of media concentration and conglomeration, Canada still has two "national" newspapers. Clearly, this multiplicity is an offence to the natural order of things. In the Canada of the future, all right-thinking people shall read the One True Newspaper: Daglobenpost.

But enough about the future. For now, we at mathNEWS are content to give you our view of what this über-newspaper is going to look like. None of the news is real, and in most cases it's probably just as well. We hope that you're not offended, insulted, or demeaned by the content herein, unless you're one of the select group of people whom we specifically intended to offend, insult, and demean.

Unlike most of our issues, which are composed in a drunken frenzy on the back of beer mats and cocktail napkins, we actually spent a lot of time trying to get this issue to look the way it does. For that reason, we are proud to present Daglobenpost in Adobe PDF format. This means, of course, that you will need the free Adobe Acrobat Reader in order to admire our technical wizardry. (NOTE: older versions of Acrobat barf all over page 14. I don't know why. Version 4.0 seems to do the trick.)

DAGLOBENPOST
(daglobenpost.pdf, 4.4MB PDF file)