profQUOTES

(Of dry erase marker) Oh, it says it's non-toxic. I guess that means I can sniff it.

Beatty CS136

I think you have now reached a point when I can tell you anything I like, and you will believe it, provided I write it in big enough formulae.

Ben-David CS498

So far, only 4 people came to me with questions about the assignment. So I suspect no more than 5 have actually looked at it.

Ben-David CS498

So, along these lines... no pun intended.

Wolczak MATH237

PROF: What do you get when you cross a mountain climber with a goat?
CLASS: A mountain goat?
PROF: No. A mountain climber is a scalar. So it can't be crossed!

Wolczak MATH237

I know there are people who think peaches feel pain when you bite into them. Do you ever think about that?

Cunningham CO350

(An insent crawls around on overhead showing code) I'm going to de'bug' this code... Murder in 343.

Buhr CS343

It's like a triangle, but it's quadrilateral.

Cunningham MATH239

When I add up two even numbers like two and seven...

Cunningham MATH239

If you need to forget your phone number to remember this, forget your phone number. You never call yourself anyway.

Wolczuk MATH237

How many people thought those were dumb? (Most of the class raises their hands.) Oops, I forgot to raise my hand.

Wolczuk MATH237

Some people like big butts and they cannot lie, but WHY do they like big butts?

Burris PSYCH232

I was kinda wild and crazy in my 20's, sexually mutilated some people.

Burris PSYCH232

Wouldn't it be nice to beat a monkey? (The class laughs.) Oh shut up, you're all sick!

Brecht CS350

You can't be dead and alive at the same time. you can feel it, but you can't be it.

Hardy ACTSCI433

I can't say your textbook is bad. The author is dead and he is listening.

Hardy ACTSCI453

The minimum mark was 5, so if you got 5 you should really examine your conscience to see what the hell you are doing?

Hardy ACTSCI331

There are always stupid people in the market. Odds are that if you can't find someone stupider than you, you're the stupid one.

Tian ACTSCI446

Have you ever noticed that it's always the men who are bad? Woman are always good. It's the men.

Atkinson AFM102

Yes, lawyers have ethics, believe it or not.

Atkinson AFM102

Does everyone know what Dairy Queen is? It's not a sexually confused cow.

Atkinson AFM102

By spending money, you can always improve this. Unless you're completely incompetent.

Atkinson AFM102

There's one thing we all can agree on: if we add zero infinitely many times we will get zero.

Brian Forrest MATH148

If you want to be clever at any particular point, then that will help you.

Brian Forrest MATH148

This is like death by sigma notation.

Zorzitto MATH146

Who should I pick on? Who do you hate?

Zorzitto MATH146

(Of vectors) If they're dependent I'll eat my shirt. (Student points out that they are dependent.) Oh ... I'll eat my shirt later.

Zorzitto MATH146

I'm just going to put some guilt on you here.

Zorzitto MATH146

This is self-obviously obvious.

Zorzitto MATH146

I don't have a TA ... I don't have such a slave.

Zorzitto MATH146

All problems on F to the n can be done with MatLab.

Zorzitto MATH146

This isomorphism makes the first three weeks worth while. Their stock value just went up.

Zorzitto MATH146

To see it, you must repeat it an infinite number of times.... like 1000 times.

Majid Ghaderi CS 457

Student: How do you kill a thread? Prof: How do you kill a thread!?! No, no, no. This is not America. We don't have guns. We don't kill threads.

Peter Buhr CS 343

Wouldn't it be nice to beat a monkey? [class laughs] Oh shut up, you're all sick!

Tim Brecht CS 350

This may be a bit of a stretch for you to think of me as God, but bear in mind: I'm marking the finals.

Marriott STAT 231

If you need to forget your phone number to remember this, forget your phone number. You never call yourself anyway.

Wolczuk MATH 237

How many people thought those [midterm questions] were dumb? [Most of the class raise their hands] Oops, I forgot to raise my hand.

Wolczuk MATH 237

[On his wardrobe] It's very gratifying to be able to absorb all visible wavelengths of light.

Burris PSYCH 232

Some people like big butts and they cannot lie, but WHY do they like big butts?

Burris PSYCH 232

I was kinda wild and crazy in my 20s, sexually mutilated some people, you know...

Burris PSYCH 232