Professor Zorzitto Eats His Words

And his shirt.

The students of UW's Math 148 course were served a heavy dosage of injustice two weeks ago when their instructor, Professor Zorzitto, failed to deliver on a promise he made to the class. Within time, though, the stalwart students managed to make him eat his words. An anonymous student witness tells her side of the story in this exclusive mathNEWS special.

STUDENT: It started like any normal algebra class. No one was really awake. Then [professor Zorzitto] wrote three random vectors on the board claiming that if they were independent that he would eat his shirt. Like lambs, we all just assumed that he was right. Then I raised my hand and announced that they were linear combinations of each other. That's when ... *cries a little* that's when ... Professor Zorzitto looked at the board, his heart rate increased threefold, and then he said, "I'll eat my shirt later," with such venemous animosity that three of my closest friends are now broken shells of the math majors they used to be ... they're in finance now.

mathNEWS: What happened when class was over?

STUDENT: By the end of the class, nothing was eaten. Not even one button. My friends all left crying, and I think one of them burst into flames from sheer disappointment!

From this point on, the student was crying too much to continue interviewing. Well, for mathNEWS, at least. Imprint probably would have. Although things seemed rough for the students, justice was not unserved. Come the next lecture, the class arrived only to find that Zorzitto had with him a tortilla cut in the shape of a shirt with the letters from Alphabits cereal forming the words "MY SHIRT" on it. He proceeded to consume the abomination as the students cheered victoriously. When we asked a random student about the event, he commented by saying, "I'm just glad that he was right when he said that we'd all jump off the building together if he wasn't ..."

Angelo