Dating Advice From The Single Guy

Hello and welcome to yet another term of mathNEWS. If you're a co-op student and remember me from the Fall term, things are a little different now. If you were here last term, things are pretty much the same. If you're new, try a search for "Dating Advice From The Single Guy" site:mathnews.uwaterloo.ca and you can see some of my back articles, as well as some libelous rumour-mongering from another writer (who actually uses multiple mathNEWS names). Anyway, on to the letters.

Dear The Single Guy,
Hi, I'm like your biggest fan ever, and so I've been waiting for something to happen that was worth writing to you about lol. Anyway, despite that lol there I'm not actually laughing out loud because I recently got dumped by my boyfriend. He said I was too young since I'm like 4 years younger than him, but one time I tried calling over to his place to ask about getting something back that I left at his place and some girl answers the phone. I know his roommate and he's not the type of guy to have girls over if you know what I mean haha. Turns I wasn't too young, he just needed an excuse because he wanted to get back together with his old girlfriend. What do I do?
-Connie

Well Connie, my guess is this is probably the first time and likely only time you will ever be dumped for being "too young". Give it a couple more years and expect the complete opposite to happen. Enjoy this time while you have it. About what to do, there's nothing I can really say about this now. You've lost him so it's time to start the look for a guy anew. One note for the future though to prevent similar situations from coming up again: the basis of any good relationship is trust. Because of that you must do all you can to prevent any future partners from ever spending time with any of their exs. Remember, they were only going out with you because things didn't work out with their ex. You're a sort of second choice; the one they settled for. A nifty tip for you is try finding a guy who's never had a girlfriend before. There are plenty of them around here, and these circumstances are not very likely to ever happen again.

Dear The Single Guy,
My boyfriend and I recently broke up. We used to play a lot of World of Warcraft together, and while we were together he ended up joining my guild. Now that we're not together anymore I hate playing with him. He /flirts with all the female toons out there, even the ones who he's pretty sure are played by guys, because he knows it bugs me. My question is, that since I out rank him in the guild would it be unreasonable or crazy pshycho ex of me to gkick him?
-Kate

Just a simple gkick seems reasonable, and possibly even not enough for the guy who broke your heart/you want to go crazy psycho ex on. The first and most obvious thing is to roll up a new character on that server or get a friend on the opposite faction to gank them all day every day for a while. That isn't all, though. In the position you had you may have been privy to all sorts of interesting information. Like perhaps his username and password. If you have these then here are a couple other fun ideas: log into his characters and shard/sell all his gear or delete his favourite characters. If he ever contacts you and blames you, pretend that you have no idea what happened, and say something like "ha, you got keylogged n00b!" However, there's another option that is especially fun. Server transfers, do this and not only can you piss him off, but it actually costs him money (and also solves your gkick problem). Just one word of warning: if you shard his gear or sell it, don't give it to your account. Blizzard can trace it, and as long as your account isn't connected to it at all, you have plausible deniability.

The Single Guy