mastHEAD

To Whom This May Concern,

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. It was midterm season. Wait, those were just bad times! The worst of times! Why am I using past tense?

I'm actually looking forward to midterms. I can't wait. I seriously love them. Love them like I love gouging out my eyes in public. With a spoon. A rusty spoon. I love midterms.

After consulting RamEd, I discovered that he doesn't enjoy gouging out his own eyes with rusty spoons in public with the same passion that I do. After consulting the left part of my brain, I also discovered that I didn't like it much either. It sort of hurt the last time...

Midterm season is upon us, and we're all feeling just a little crazy down here at mathNEWS, especially since two of the three editors showed up late only to discover that our normal lab, where this waste of paper is tenderly nurtured, is closed for maintenance. Oh joy. The mind-numbingly annoying buzz of people typing isn't peeving me at all. Not one eye-twitching bit. And it especially doesn't annoy me that less than half the people in this room are writing for mathNEWS too. I'm clenching my teeth and tugging at my hair for fun.

We have a serious shortage of writers this issue. Due to blame being transitive, it's midterms' fault. (I blamed StaticEd who blamed one of our previous writers, who blamed midterms. God bless transitivity.) I started thinking that mathNEWS should create a blame semantic network in order to take full advantage of the spreading activation.

Question: The midterm's worth 0%, what do you write? What do you want your TAs to know?

"I cry myself to sleep because of you"(RamED),"Why am I here? And why are you bother"(monkeyspodn5),"I'll be in Tijuana with the senoritas and margaritas, have fun!"(Tamek),"I'm going to do all the math in base 13, have fun!"(StaticED), "My dick is huge." (inXSE) [We investigated this and have found it to be false, we apologize to anyone reading that got a little excited — Ed.],"Certainly NOT my plan for world domination MWAHAHAAAAA!!!"(InsideR),"I wouldn't waste time writing anything, instead i'd go to kickoffs and drink"(unja),"Realize that you're writing an arts exam, and get a real degree"(Tbor)

ImpulsEd
"The intimate details of my sex life."