Interviews with search engines

Now with twice the WTF!

We at mathNEWS had the opportunity once again to speak with Google as well as the newcomer to the search engine market Bing. Wolfram Alpha did not return our calls.

mathNEWS: So now that you have a quasi-viable competitor in your field, how do you feel about that?

Google: Please feel free to try the game out yourself, the story is left open to interpretation, nor the animated short have been financially viable for decades. Upgrade your ship with nifty gadgets that will help you win the competition! Run your own Coffee Shop! You have a limited # of days.

mN: And Bing, how do you...

Bing: Kill a snakehead fish? Get Pregnant? Get Aids? I'll tell you anything you want!

mN:...Riiiiiight. And I thought Google gave strange answers. No interuptions this time! How do you feel about taking on Google as the new kid on the block?

B: Beyond search services, Net insiders feel alienated. By Hiawatha Bray, 11/24/2003. Do you hate Google yet? ... The toolbar makes it easy to do Google searches and block pop-up ads...

mN: Those are some pretty bold words! google, how do you deal with this emnity?

G: I am not sure what started this enmity and how all this began.... I think developers should also know how to deal with testers. How do you deal with your enemies? Ask your Agony Aunt questions. Or if that person is ready to forget the enmity than I will be ready.

mN: You seem to have a lot of hate, Bing, why is that?

B: Do you have anything to say? Yes, I do. There has been a lot of charges and a lot of things ... that you have for yourself, the hate that you have... Your mother teaches you why, why, why!

mN: I'm sensing parental issues. I suppose it must have been hard growing up at Microsoft.

B: I'm trying very hard to be unbiased ... Look it up sometime. I'm sure you all are adults have been doing this a long time, I ... Growing up I have seen exorcisms performed in front.

mN: Exorsims eh? I know that Microsoft had it's demons but I didn't think they wanted to get rid of them. Google, with the release of Google Lattitude, you've been accused of housing stalkers, your response?

G: Gang stalkers have been reported as following targets in cars, vans, ... complex or housing neighborhood to gain closer proximity.... But demons - Neg entities if you will, hyperdimensional manipulation - working through people. So as somebody who's been accused myself of being a knowing accomplice, I may have been... via email ... including messages saying "i miss you and just want to... We are proud to have Web Hosting and Rack Housing from 9 Net Avenue Deutschland.

B: Through covert manipulation and hyperdimensional tricks that ... has shown that visible tyrants are also visible targets ... These uses are too numerous and complex to mention.

At this point in the interview, Bing attacks Google with a spoon, presumably rusty. Since order had broken, a fancy party broke out and we all began to wear silly hats, and laughed about the time Bing attacked Google with a rusty spoon. No further questions were asked.

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