Survival Guide for Stealing a Hat
Because people make it too much fun
First off, let me explain. One of the editors for mathNEWS, CorruptED (or "Eddy"
as he likes to be called) just recently bought a top hat that he now claims he
will wear 24-7. If that's not a challenge, I don't know what is. So,
basically, from the moment he bought it, I have been plotting how to steal it
and drive him crazy. In doing so, I have also developed a list of tips to help
ensure that you get the maximum effect and joy that comes from the thrill of
Pick Your Target Wisely: When choosing a person/hat, it is important to be sure that:
- They will care if you take their hat (seriously, "whatever" is kinda boring, but, be careful, they might be faking to throw you off).
- The hat is awesome enough (no baseball caps)
- They are not completely insane (won't sit in a room stabbing a printout of your Facebook picture saying "revenge...Revenge..REVENGE!!!!")
- You are friends with the person (Not an anonymous person: 50% of the time, they're insane every time)
Have an Escape Route: Very importantly, you need to be sure that you
cannot be cornered. Have an escape route or be in an open area, otherwise it can be disastrous (For example, CorruptED full-fledged tackled me when I stole it in a small room).
Be Faster Than Your Pursuer: It's no fun if the person immediately
catches you, so make sure you can keep the chase going for an extended period of time.
Have a Good Hat Hiding Place: Watching CorruptED walk right past the place I hid his hat was quite satisfying, I'd recommend it.
Limber Up: You may be subjugated to pain or torture to reveal the hiding
place of a hidden hat. DON'T GIVE IN! If you limber up, most of the levels of
(reasonable) torture can be brushed off. (If you happen to steal from someone
who is actually insane and is causing you pain, give in; a broken arm is not worth the trouble. CorruptED got surprisingly close, but I limbered up so it was all good).
Have Accomplices: Even if it's just someone holding a door. Having
someone downstairs so you can throw the hat over the balcony will lengthen the chase, make the pursuer go crazy, and give you a chance to hide the hat. It's a lot funnier when you're teaming up.
Use Misdirection: Once they lose sight of the hat, start messing with
their head. "I don't have you hat, I gave it to InsidED." "Well, I might have thrown it in the garbage, I don't quite recall."
Have a Grand Finale: After the chase has lasted for a while and the excitement has gone down a bit, Basically pick a moment to show it was all fun and games, but, ha ha haha haaaaaaa.