Horrorscopes

Because we all have to have horrible things happen to use once in a while.
Yours are just more horrible than mine.

Accounting: You try to solve the problem of the Bomber not making money. You turn it into a strip club, and to add some edge, you add a water slide. Your mother is less than amused.

Your lucky number is: $13 Million in profits.

Actsci: You decide the dangers of skiing don't lower your life expectancy enough. You try heli-skiing. Really? I mean, Hell is in the name!

Your lucky number is: 14%

AHS: After playing Assassin's Creed 2, you start freerunning across campus. You should've joined the Parkour club instead, because there aren't a lot of hay bales in campus.

Your lucky number is: 7 Floors

Applied Math: You team up with a statistician, and spend 20 hours to figure out what the best choices in a multiple choice exam are. Unfortunately, your prof has hired a monkey to pick the choices.

Your lucky number is: 4 bunches of bananas

Arts: You go back in time to visit the Roman times to help study for your final. You get caught in an orgy, and accidentally get assassinated.

Your lucky number is: 69666

BBA/BMATH/MATHBUS: You decide to drink at every pub between Laurier and Waterloo between two exams. 14 beers later, you have to write your math exam.

Your lucky number is: 16% (your grade and blood alcohol level)

C&O: You start combining all your delicious Christmas treats into one to optimize your splurging time. It works well until you find that the chemicals in a candy cane should not combine with gingerbread.

Your lucky number is: 1 stomach-pumping experience

CM: You get a new PS3 for Christmas. Unfortunately, you can't use it as part of your supercomputer, because it's a Slim. You have to return it, and become the laughing stock of Future Shop, for rejecting a PS3 as a gift.

Your lucky number is: $299

CS: You test the effects of swine flu on World of Warcraft while on work term at Blizzard. Unfortunately, neither Horde nor Alliance appreciate getting the swine flu, and with their characters out of commision, they have a lot of spare time on their hands.

Your lucky number is: 11.5 million angry mob members

Eng: During your exams, the pressure gets so intense, you have such intense flashbacks of frosh week. You end up screaming out "Yes Sir, Edcom Sir!" in the middle of your Phys 115 exam.

Your lucky number is: 4 Months of counselling

E: You attempt to further abbreviate your faculty. Unfortunately, nobody likes referring to you as a clicking noise. Your faculty gets forgotten until you pick a new abbreviation.

Your lucky number is: click

Mathsci: You try the age old combinatorics problem of ice cream cones, except this time you try it with alcohol. As you are a scientist, you know that the more alcohol you put in a single glass, the more effective it is. Luckily for you, you've simplified your combinatorics problem to only have one solution, a very drunken one.

Your lucky number is: 84%

OR: OR what? Bring it on Operations Research. You decide to remove the conjunction OR from all assignments. You lose all options, and your multiple choice exams become much more troublesome.

Your lucky number is: the numbers 4 through to an arbitrary constant

PMath: You design a robot to test out travelling salesmen theories, and realize that you make more money doing this than being a pure mathematician. You become a billionaire minutes before you wake up.

Your lucky number is: 2 hours of sleep a night

Sci:You discover the ingredients for intelligent lifeforms and find out that sugar, spice, and everything nice is an adequate basis for life. Unfortunately, it's also the basis of your mother's pumpkin muffins.

Your lucky number is: 11 muffin insurgencies

Soft Eng: When you get to your exam, you forget how to write in English. Don't forget to add a "CORRECT=true" tag to your Soft Eng Markup Language (SEML) answers.

Your lucky number is: 7. What, 7 obviously is a lucky number!

Stats: You calculate the percentage of people who are terrorists and bought Modern Warfare 2. You tell the American government, and are caught up in a conspiracy so big, Dan Brown won't even write a novel about it.

Your lucky number is: a few grams of anti-matter

Undeclared: You finally declare! Just kidding. The only way you guys are going to declare is if you get all the credits for a major.

Your lucky number is: 20 Course Units

Tbor