Horrorscopes

Your killjoy to the beginning of spring

Accounting: You calculate the amount of money spent to clean up the campus now that the geese have returned, and realize that the only way to save money is to get rid of the geese altogether. Unfortunately, the geese have other plans.

Your Lucky Number is: A dozen peck wounds.

ActSci: You realize that with the coming of spring is the coming of flowers and their allergies. To protect yourself from the risk of discovering that you're allergic to some seemingly harmless plant, you stay in your house. Neither you nor your roommates have cleaned the place in a while.

Your Lucky Number is: 1 severe dust allergy.

AHS: Taking advantage of the newly-thawed field, you go outside to play some soccer. The geese have the same idea, and you decide that the only way to get rid of them is to pull a Zidane.

Your Lucky Number is: 2 yellow cards.

AMATH: Spring is here, love is in the air. You attempt to use math to figure out how to best woo that girl in your arts course, until you realize that neither complex numbers nor bad puns will catch her attention.

Your Lucky Number is: i girlfriends.

Arts: You decide to write a sonnet to celebrate spring, written in perfect Iambic pentameter. Just as you're about to present this masterpiece of spring literature, Shakespeare comes out of a time warp and grabs your poem out of your hand, and disappears. Your prof later accuses you of plagiarism.

Your Lucky Number is: 155th sonnet.

BBA/Business: Mistaking the weather forecast for the economic forecast, you invest in suntan lotion. The market crashes the next day, but you get a nice tan.

Your Lucky Number is: 523 bottles of lotion.

CS: You notice that its getting warmer outside, and turn on the air conditioning to keep the computers running. You have doomed the world to global warming, but the servers are still running.

Your Lucky Number is: 5 working computers.

CO: You try to plot a course through campus to optimize sunlight received while walking between your classes. Only after hours of hard work, you realize that your classes are all in the same building.

Your Lucky Number is: A serious vitamin 13 deficiency (convert it to hex!)

E: You decide to enjoy the environment by going swimming outside. The water is still cold.

Your Lucky Number is: 30 C body temperature.

Engineering: You take the solar car out for a night on the town. Unfortunately, the police aren't impressed by your drunken joyride.

Your Lucky Number is: 6 demerit points.

MathSci: You simulate campus conditions on your computer. Your computer realizes how nice it is outside and tries to escape outdoors, only to find that it's on the 4th floor.

Your Lucky Number is: 4 floors of brief joy.

PMATH: You notice that the rest of the faculty has left the building. You also notice that a strange warm light is coming through the windows. You close the curtains, as the light is distracting you from your work.

Your Lucky Number is: 1 building to yourself.

Science: You decide to move the moon in order make sure that it will never, ever block out the sun again. You miss your trajectory and the moon begins falling toward the Earth. The planet's only hope lie in the hands of four sleeping giants.

Your Lucky Number is: 64-bit graphical awesomeness.

SE: You have an end-of term project due tomorrow, but you forgo the work in favour of the weather.

Your Lucky Number is: 10% drop.

Stats: You decide to be more accurate than the weatherman. The network hires you, but you must work during exam week.

Your Lucky Number is: 7-day forecast of hell.

Undeclared: You can't decide whether you are happy about the arrival of spring, or sad about the departure of winter. You briefly become schizophrenic.

Your Lucky Number is: 2 minds, 1 body.

Other: You get mauled by a fanged Frisbee.

Your Lucky Number is: 7 Harry Potter books.

Big Mak