The Horribly, Completely, Totally Really Real True Story of Zombie Orange Crush

Years ago... actually just 1 year ago, but whatever... so a year ago, there was an awesomely amazing writer at mathNEWS who mysteriously disappeared and was never heard from again.

Until Today!

Doesn't that sound like a trailer for the worst movie ever?

Anyway, that writer was called Orange Crush. Orange Crush died, but was resurrected as me, Zombie Orange Crush, in a tale that will chill your bones, thrill your neurons, and excite your... well, body-parts that you probably don't want mentioned on mathNEWS.

Over the next few issues, I will recount that tale for you to read and enjoy and then read again and enjoy again, but less, because you already know all the jokes, and then maybe if you're really bored, you can read it again, because it's still more interesting than your corporate finance textbook. I forget where I was headed with this.

So, ladies and gentlemen (but especially the ladies... the hot ones anyway), here's Part 1- The End. (of Orange Crush).

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For those who missed the last part of the story, even though there wasn't any last part, here's a quick recall- Orange Crush found himself locked in the MC for a weekend with a crazy serial killer. For more details, consult the last part of the story. Even though there wasn't any last part.

"Oh crap, I'm locked inside the MC with a serial killer!" thought Orange Crush.

At that moment, the serial killer sprang up behind him.

"No, don't kill me!" Orange Crush said. It was a very badly scripted moment from an old horror movie.

"Dude, I'm a serial killer, what do you think I'm gonna do, hug you?"

"Well, you could hug me to death", Orange Crush pointed out.

The serial killer didn't really have a good comeback for that point.

"What kind of a serial killer are you anyway?"

"What? I don't know," said the killer. "The bad kind?"

"No, what kind of series of killings have you performed? Like a Fourier series, or a harmonic series, or just a regular arithmetic series?"

"I don't know, the second one?"

Orange Crush smiled. "A harmonic series? Then you don't converge!"

And then in a puff of smoke the serial killer diverged to infinity and disappeared.

And thus, with some help from calculus or whichever course teaches you about series, Orange Crush defeated the serial killer.

Then he sneezed too hard, had a heart attack, and died right there at the MC.

Next issue- Orange Crush vs. Dante's Inferniola!

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If you didn't like this Tale of Orange Crush, please email me, Zombie Orange Crush. Also, I have no email address, so screw you.

I will finish with a relevant yet unfunny joke- how do you know when there's a serial killer around? Your favourite TV show gets cancelled.

Have a great week or whatever. Don't forget about your corporate finance assignment.

Zombie Orange Crush