Confessions of an Actuary
Spoiler: You all die
Hi everyone. I'm an actuary. Most people in the math faculty will at least kind
of know what that means. For everyone else, an actuary is basically a
statistician who specializes in statistics based on when people die for the
application of insurance policies. Or for those that follow right wing media, I
am the communist nazi regime that is attempting to take away your liberties and
And now a list:
- Actuarial life tables are extremly useful for many reasons. We can find out
(on average) when you or anyone you know would die. Figure out how to read
them and this makes a very fun party trick... if a little morbid.
- Very rarely do we put faces or names onto our policies. It's always policy numbers
and limited information. I assume doctors do the same thing. However, it should
be noted that we still profile these people... in some ways that may or may not
- We're essentially necromatic combinatorics majors... we count dead
- If there is a hell, then I'm definitely going to end up there. Particularly
after uttering the phrase "I don't get it. Why are so many 35 year old women
just dropping dead?"
- All of our documentation confuses people to no end. Because whenever
actuaries talk about losing money it is because we had to pay it out to people.
Yes we complain about having to give our clients money... it's true. Our
word is "lapse" because it means that you surrender your policy but still pay
the insurance company some money. Yes, we are that evil.
- It still confuses me how a company can exist that says its main job is to
provide its customers with security and protection while also trying to make a
profit for their shareholders... generally speaking meeting one of those goals
make you absolutley fail at the other one... just saying.
Thats all I got for now, enjoy.