The Davis Center and YOU

A newbie's experience with Mr. Cheriton's school of computer science

September, 2009, upon viewing a photo of the Davis Center After viewing a photograph of the Davis Center, I felt a bulge in my pants, which, albeit uncomfortable, felt rather pleasant. "Holy shit," I thought to myself, "this is our computer science building?! The fortress of solitude can suck kryptonite. The batcave can burn! WHO IS YOUR GOD NOW BRUCE WAYNE? THAT'S RIGHT, FIRE! FIRE! FIREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"
excitement = 4

November, 2009, upon visiting the DC in person during the fall open house
I tried to contain my excitement while visiting, but it was difficult. I cannot remember the exact details, but some witnesses stated that I began to sing and dance like Maria von Trapp (from the Sound of Music, for those currently without access to wikipedia) on crack cocaine. But don't listen to them; the griffins assured me that I was very classy.
excitement = 8

September 6-10, 2010, frosh week
This week flew by in a blur. The one thing I recalled from it about the Davis Center was that it was capable of producing FOOD. That's right, this place can feed you as well. Lasagna came out of this building. Orgasm on a plate. I thrusted my pork fork all over that.
excitement = 15

September 12, 2010, mathSoc meeting
Half way during the meeting I felt the urge to urinate. Since I've recently discovered that it was socially unacceptable to urinate in someone's cup, in public, I decided to travel to the DC lavatory. To my disappointment, the urinals violate the International Federation Of Urinal Logistics (IFOUL) regulations! The lack of walls make it very difficult for one to release their bladder, whist avoiding splash-back and/or invoking awkwardness.
disappointment = 16

September 13, 2010, first day of class
Excited for first day, I look down to check that I have the appropriate wardrobe: fuzzy bunny slippers, slightly stained boxers, orientation shirt with what appears to be ketchup (let me check.. yep, it's definitely ketchup), and topped off with the stylish pink math tie, a 31/2 Windsor (that's tying 3 knots, then a half Windsor. If you would like to learn this technique, ask around at mathSoc, I'm sure they can help you find me. I would give my email but I have no interest in enlarging my penis; the last time didn't work, and lead to undesirable side effects.). Perfect.

I checked my schedule, ready to make my mark in the Davis Center, and... I have no classes there. This must be some kind of mistake. "This is MADNESS!," I shouted, which resulted in a man, wearing nothing but a red cape and briefs, to run through the door in front of me, scream some meme which everyone reading this probably knows, and kick me in the chest.
disappointment = 23

September 16, 2010, aka the day that rained
Today, water fell out of the sky. I made sure that I would not melt from being in it by dragging my roommate outside while he was asleep. Although he survived the experiment, he was somewhat irritated. It was nothing that we couldn't hug out. After concluding that the sky water causes irritation, I chose to avoid it at all cost. The Davis Center suddenly morphed into a gigantic umbrella, shielding me from the sky waters (which I have assumed, until further information, is the result of the moon crying).
disappointment = 42

September 17, 2010, Idontthinkanythingimportanthappenedtoday
Once again, I'm forced to make a trip to the bathroom. The garbage is exploding with used paper towels (there's enough paper to write the first year calculus textbook... twice) and someone spilled strawberry flavoured bubble tea. While the aroma is pleasant, it renders 4 urinals unusable. Also, it's wasted bubble tea. My current suspect is one Mr. Bob L. T. Spellar. SIR, WHAT KIND OF MONSTER ARE YOU? DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO DRINK BUBBLE TEA THAT HAS BEEN SPILLED ON THE GROUND? IF YOU MUST SPILL IT AGAIN, DO IT IN THE URINAL OR THE TOILET.
disappointment = 108

(note: if you haven't realized that 98% of these anecdotes are fictional (hello there, imprint!), this message is here to tell you so. I'll let you guys decide which 2% is true.)

Love,

theSMURF