The Real Secrets to Success

All the crap they should have told you but didn't have the guts.

1. Your Education - All that junk they taught you in high school? Forget it.
2. Your Grades - You thought you were smart? Well think again.
3. Your Social Life -You have none.
4. Sleep - You don't need it.
5. Your Money - Gone in the vortex of Waterloo profit.
6. Food - You can't afford it.
7. Your Health - Not important.
8. Your Soul - Doomed to eternal damnation. (This shouldn't be a surprise.)
9. Your Face - Horribly disfigured. I have no idea why.

The Unfortunate Optimist