mathNEWS Issue 116.6: Friday, July 22, 2011

HorrorScopes

ActSci: You start moving things to M3 and notice that already some of the lights in the ceiling are flickering. You calculate how long it will be before the entire building collapses under its weight and takes out the students inside. You start selling insurance to the grads moving in.
Your unlucky number is: 52 buildings on campus.

AHS: Final exams are coming up and you realize that it's finally time to hit the books. Your punching bag was wearing out anyway.
Your unlucky number is: 60 punches/page.

AMATH: You finally finish your last Quantum assignment. Sleep can finally re-enter your life! You lose track of time however, and sleep through the exam.
Your unlucky number is: 80 hours of sleep.

ARCH: After seeing how M3 turned out, you decide to start planning the next building for campus. It will tower over everything else on campus, with an all-seeing eye on top to watch students entering and leaving classes. Unfortunately, you forget to add in defences, and the tower is soon toppled by living trees.
Your unlucky number is: 676 page epic.

ARTS: The term is effectively over, and you still haven't found a job. You resign yourself to working at Tim Hortons, again.
Your unlucky number is: $1.81 for a small coffee and donut.

C&O:As much as you try to avoid it, you still have to walk outdoors in the harsh sun. You try to mitigate the problem by plotting a path that will maximize the shade you walk in and minimize the amount of sunlight. You arrive in class unburnt, although tardy.
Your unlucky number is: 20 minutes of class left.

CS:The summer term is done, and you are still unsuccessful at finding your significant other. Reading the Imprint comics, you see that there is a girl in Architecture. You bus over to Cambridge to woo your new potential sweetheart.
Your unlucky number is: Rejection count finally over 9000.

Double Degree: You decide to make it clear that although you attend classes at Laurier, you're not actually a Laurier student. UW students remain unconvinced, but the Laurier students are. Hate now piles on from both sides.
Your unlucky number is: 45 000 slushies to the face.

ENG: You finally found a place to live next term for your co-op term. Unfortunately, you couldn't actually check out the place since the job placement was in Halifax.
Your unlucky number is: 4 cockroaches in the mattress. That you can see.

ENV: Seeing the giant tower erected by the Architecture students, you see that it is a source of evil and vow to take it down. In an unprecedented move, you reanimate the trees and lead an attack on the invading Engineers.
Your unlucky number is: Two towers before, one tower now.

Math Phys: It dawns on you that despite the fact that both you and Soft Eng are the bastard sons of two faculties, you get the better deal. No labs and no algebra! You then realize that one of your faculties really likes getting around, and start going on a life-changing quest to see what other half-brothers you may have.
Your unlucky number is: 3 new siblings and a new disturbing view of one of your parents.

PMATH: To beat the heat, you decide to get an ice cream. While in line, you try to find a way to use the axiom of choice to select an ice cream flavor. You decide that there is a solution, but leave it as an exercise to the reader.
Your unlucky number is: 5 impatient people in line after you.

SCI: Science. Science. Science. So much science. Want to do all of the science. SCIIIEEEEEEEEEEENCEEEEEEE!!!!! Sick of science. Too much science. Want to go to arts.
Your unlucky number is: 1 more student switching faculties.

Soft Eng: Due to the onslaught of end-of-term projects that have been harassing you all week, you never actually leave the computer labs. You wonder why everyone else is complaining about the heat.
Your lucky number is: 21 degrees Celsius.

STATS: Going through the summer heat wave, you decide to calculate the chance that Waterloo can finish the month without melting into a puddle of sweat. Appalled at the likelihood of that happening, you urge everyone to invest in deoderant. Unfortunately, that just creates a bigger problem.
Your unlucky number is: 4352 bottles worth of Axe in the air.

Teaching Option: Seeing the new frosh wandering about campus in their Student Life 101 tour groups, you take it upon yourself to tell them all about the things on campus that the tour guides seem to have forgotten. Fall term this year is going to be a lot more interesting.
Your unlucky number is: 7 people crammed into a toilet stall looking for the Scheme implementation of quicksort.

!ED



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