5 Things to Look For in an Effective Wingman

(Note: I was requested to write this on behalf of one of the mathNEWS editors. It may or may not relate to the failed performance of a certain fellow writer over the past weekend. The use of the word "wingman" is not meant to be gender exclusive; the word "wingperson" just sounds weird.)

1. Someone who is, or can make themselves appear to be, less attractive then you. You don't want the person you're trying to pick up being more interested in them, that's just awkward.
2. Someone who's either already taken, not interested in anything, not interested in the same kind of people as you, or someone so committed to the cause of getting you a partner/a connection/laid that they won't risk picking up the person you're trying to connect with.
3. Social competence! An awkward wingman just makes you look even more awkward.
4. Someone who will get less drunk then you. How else can you make sure they have your best interests in heart?
5. An exception to rule 2: The perfect wingman is someone you're already having sex with. That way, even if you fail, you don't have to go home alone.

(define this (not cool))