# Keener Bingo

You will soon learn that on occasions lectures become, well, less than interesting. For those times when counting ceiling tiles seems more appealing than the Diophantine equation on the board, we present: Keener Bingo.

To begin, we must clarify the definition of a keener. They can easily be spotted in the front rows of any class, where they are noted for their remarkable ability to ask an unusually large number of confusing questions during a lecture. They often bear an uncanny resemblance to characters in Revenge of the Nerds. Standard keener equipment includes: a bulky briefcase, checkered trousers, undershirts and a powerful calculator. Optionally this can be a very powerful calculator such as an HP 48GX with card reader, printer, and optical wand. Other optional keener accessories include: a plastic pocket protector for the front shirt pocket (containing six different coloured pens, several mechanical pencils, a screwdriver and a pencil sharpener), a slide rule, a complete geometry set, and a well-used flowcharting template. Should all this not give them away, keeners tend towards extra long right arms (for better visibility), tape on their glasses, wearing T-shirts or buttons displaying the first 200 digits of pi (which they know by heart), and having twice as much stuff in the briefcase as can possibly fit.

The act of being keen: you will come to be painfully familiar with this procedure. When the prof asks a question, makes a good point, omits something, or even for no reason at all, the keener will thrust his or her hand skyward and attract the prof's attention. This is almost always followed by a vapid and irrelevant question which serves only to confuse the class and often the prof.

The Rules: Pick out three keeners and write their names (class nicknames will do) on a piece of paper. As the keeners are keen, cross off their names. The first person to cross off every keener on their list yells ``BINGO'' and is awarded one bingo point. Play the game over several classes or several weeks and the winner is the person with the most points at the end of that time. For a more challenging game, arrange the names of nine keeners in a 3 by 3 grid. The winner is the person who first crosses off the names of three keeners in a horizontal, vertical or diagonal row. In both versions, the following rules apply:

• You may not use your own name, nor may you repeat names on the same card.

• An extra point is awarded if you preselected the keeners in the order that they were keen.

• Double score if you can guess their first words, such as ``Sir... Sir... '', ``Professor... '', ``But... '', ``Excuuuuse me... '', or the always popular ``You forgot... ''.

• Triple points if the prof spots the keener but refuses to acknowledge his or her presence.

• Quadruple points if the prof threatens the keener.

• You are not allowed to physically abuse a keener in order to affect the placement of his or her hand.

• Bribes are illegal.

Before you begin, you may want to have a look at a keener at close range. Pay a visit to the EngSoc Orifice at Carl Pollock Hall. Happy hunting!

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