Well, a new school year is upon us, and with a new school year comes fresh new faces, eager to get their high spirits (and high marks for that matter) crushed underneath the villainous onslaught of things mathematical. If these fresh new faces manage to stick around for long enough, eventually they get to write mathNEWS articles about how yet another school year is upon us, and make some inane comment about how there are all these fresh new faces about.
With all the new students around, there arises a dangerous potential for evil to seize minds and take control of the general University populace. I am of course referring to the influence of Zoggo. The evil god of the comfy lounge entices the unaware to play cards, and waste valuable free time unproductively. There is of course nothing wrong with this. The problem is that classes and homework interfere with Zoggo's bid for power.
I mention Zoggo because this being has been able to alter spacial perceptions, especially that of time, within its domain. Within the comfy lounge, the distance between where you sit and the exit seems unrealistically far, time passes unnoticed, and that seven of diamonds sitting on the table looks more and more like a beer. Within the comfy lounge, these are all perfectly acceptable and often welcomed phenomenon. If you experience any of this outside the lounge, seek out the comfy lounge immediately.
While I should point out that Zoggo's grip on some has been so great that these few individuals have actually failed courses and, in extreme cases, gotten kicked out of school due to his influence, a quick card game in between classes never hurt anyone. Incidentally, for those of you who prefer to waste time on-line, there is now a Zoggo homepage somewhere out on the web! The location won't be revealed here, as just going to the page directly without wasting any time would be contrary to Zoggo's beliefs, and I don't want to offend Zoggo. No, Zoggo is all-powerful! We must worship Zoggo! Must play cards! Oh, hang on, it's time for my medication...
Sorry, I'm alright now. Please disregard my meaningless ramblings as those of someone not on heavy medication. There is no Zoggo. There never was a Zoggo. And the storm clouds forming over my head with the intention of smiting me for blasphemy are not a result of Zoggo's influe
Editor's Note: We received the above article with what appeared to be blood stains covering the bottom. We received it electronically, yet there were bloodstains all the same. This seems to suggest that, er, somebody may be more powerful than we originally thought.
We now return you to your regular mathNEWS. -- HammerEd
Chris Calzonetti (Now medium-rare)