While most requests for funding are well intentioned, they are unfortunately also too short-sighted to be of full use. We need to undertake something major, something drastic, something big. Fortunately, for this idea we do not have to create something big; we already have it. Rather, we are going to adapt something big to other uses. Ladies and gentlemen, what I propose is that we give the MC movement by mounting it onto a set of treads.
With a normal cruising speed of 5 km/h, but able to go all the way to 8, the newly christened ``Roving Fortress of Knowledge'' would inspire awe in all those who behold it. The sight of this mobile MC pulling up to high schools would by itself inspire many students to enroll in the Math program. Not to mention the effect that such a presence would have at Athena/Warrior games, faculty events, or student rallies. (``Hello, Mr. Snobelen. Macaroni?'')
It would also be able to serve as an additional source of funds by appearing in feature films. Imagine the MC as a foe of Godzilla, a Mobile Borg Assimilation Center (very similar to its current use), or even appearing in the sequel to Independence Day. Not to mention the ability to literally crush any opponents who stand in our way... and are too slow to move out of it.
This project is intended to be implemented over the course of 9 years, to be completed in 2005. The first step in accomplishing this task would be to convert the red room into an engine room. Personnel to operate and maintain the engine would then be found, partly to be assisted by a new half-credit lab course. Naturally, the chief engineer is to always be called ``Scotty.'' There are also several optional modifications which can be made. These include a trailer hitch to which the Bombshelter would be connected, and the creation of several gun turrets. Final cost is yet to be determined, but I can personally assure you that my cousin Joe can give you a very good price.
Although costly, I can think of no better expenditure of funds which would give the Math faculty the continued and lasting impression in the community that this would. Besides, it would be so cool.
D. K. Gardiner
© 1996 mathNEWS