An Open Letter

So what do I have to talk about today boys and girls? I have a special treat for you all: I'm going to talk about a topic that is of great importance, at least in the Math Faculty anyway, but certainly in real life too.

A few weeks ago I was in the Shombelter for a concert when a certain person walked in with his newly acquired girlfriend. Now previous to his arrival, the people at the table were talking about him and wondering what he would be like with a girlfriend (none of us had actually seen him with a girlfriend before, although he had had them in the past). Specifically, the topic of ``PDA'' or Public Displays of Affection came up. We all expressed a tad bit of revulsion at the thought, but then the conversation went somewhere else.

Well, in walks this guy with his girlfriend on his arm, and right from the get-go you can tell that they're playing the no-holds barred game (well, ok, they weren't having sex in public, but they certainly weren't shying away from each other either). This was most disappointing of course, but it was to be expected.

You see, any couple these days in the Math Faculty seems to be of the pathetic type. Pathetic in that they're continuously giving each other baby eyes, always touching in some fashion (if not draped across each other, then at least holding hands), laughing or giggling at even the most mundane things they do, etc. This state of patheticness is like a virus. Every new couple save a very few seem to acquire it (I should know, too. Much to my own revulsion I acquired the syndrome myself. Some people tell me I wasn't as bad as others, which is semi-amusing and semi-scary, since I thought I was really bad).

There are a few reasons why this behaviour is so annoying.

It's exclusive. Nobody else can waltz into the happy couple and get a kiss or hug from one of them. The couple relishes the activity in which only they can partake.
It puts the participants into their own little world. I suppose from the participants' point of view this is fine, but it makes talking to either of the participants very difficult for an outsider to do without either feeling like they're interrupting, or feeling like they're the butt of a joke as the couple continues to laugh over some stupid joke they just shared amongst themselves but not you. Of course, the alternative is to be obnoxious and break it up like one would while passing two kids sucking face in the Rideau Centre in Ottawa, but then you're being obnoxious.
It's distracting. I don't know about you, but having a pair of giggling maniacs flirting heavily with each other right beside you is distracting. They're just hard to ignore. Especially true when they start to make out.
It's not needed. OK, so you two love each other and have a great time together, fine, do you need to let me know about that as well? Shouldn't this be something you share amongst yourselves? Why do I have to be subjected to your common displays of how much you like each other?

So not only is this an exclusive, isolating and distracting occurrence, it's not even required. Often times in my experience it gets to the point where talking to these couples when they are together is impossible. The people who want to talk to them are usually their friends, so the isolation is taken a step further when the only time your friends are really going to talk to you is when your partner isn't around. To me, a relationship that doesn't involve interaction with the outside world doesn't sound too healthy.

So I'm asking all of the couples in the world out there to stop the Public Displays of Affection. There's plenty of time to do it in private, and even if you must do it in public, there is no need to drag it into a spectacle.

Max Stevens