mathNEWS is normally a fortnightly publication funded by and responsible to the undergraduate math students of the University of Waterloo, as represented by the Mathematics Society of the University of Waterloo, hereafter referred to as MathSoc. mathNEWS is editorially independent of MathSoc. Content is the responsibility of the mathNEWS editors; however, any opinions expressed herein are those of the authors and not necessarily those of MathSoc or mathNEWS. So if you gotta problem with anything that's in this issue, don't come whining to us because we're just going to point the finger at some poor schmuck. I mean, that's why they put their names there, right? So that you can hunt them down and take their skins for doormats because you decide that they're some complete waste of genetic material whose opinions are wholely and utterly wrongheaded because they don't agree with yours in every particular? Although we'd really appreciate it if you wouldn't, because we need all the warm bodies in front of terminals on Production Night that we can get. And anyhow, we love our volunteers. So just forget about it, buddy. And while you're at it, would you please stop rubbing in the fact that you got to go to some stupid Rush concert a few weeks back while us editors were stuck here in K-W? We know already, OK? Give it a rest, it's not like it makes you God or David Jackson or someone. Besides, we've seen Rush in concert lots of times before. OK, once. And it was a long time ago. Just shut up, alright? By the way... I'm an elk, shoot me! We're not bitter, we're just opinionated. Please note that the editors of this publication make no excuse whatsoever for any vengeance expressed or implied in these pages; not that any excuse is needed, because of course we would never stoop so low as to try and satisfy primal needs for revenge by publicizing the names and misdeeds of anyone who crosses us; we're just not the type who would do something as mean, nasty and underhanded as that. In fact, I might go so far as to say that we never abuse the power and authority vested in us as editors of this fine work of semi-journalism. Although you know, if we were to go in for some abuse of power, then whoa Nelly, the stories that I could tell you... But I just said that I wouldn't, so there. Too bad. Ya see... you're on a need-to-know basis, and you don't need to know. So you'll just have to suffer in ignorance for now. Maybe if you stop by our office with a six-pack we'll let you in on the great stories. Mm, maybe make that a twelver. And while you're at it, any cover art, masterful pieces of journalism, or C&O finals for this term that you've got lying around would be appreciated as well. But the six-pack or twelver is very important. Actually, any kind of booze will do. I've been drinking more and more these days. But of course, it wouldn't have anything to do with finals or people going off on workterms and... whoops, I said too much again. But don't worry... I won't tell anyone. Oh, and continued thanks from us for wearing pants. And thanks for reading this far, too. Do you have any idea what it's like for us, stuck in this cramped little office for two days every fortnight putting this whole thing together? So, like, have some sympathy, have some courtesy, have some taste. Whatever. Hey, bet me that the year of my birth doubled is an odd number. Don't trust me? Your birth, then. Go on. Ah well, can't fool you, I guess. Don't blame us... it was just a rookie mistake. Would you like Constitution #1, #2, or what's in the box? Come one, come all, and join the Crispy-342 pool! Pick a number between 0 and 100 and we'll call you sometime after the evening of the 7th to tell you if you've won! Or you can put your money on the special-odds ``he'll worm out of this one too'' pool! All hail the Bomber! The Fryer has returned and all is well once more! We must celebrate, and there's only one way to do that: go to the Bomber. Let the Fryer know how much it was missed by ordering as much greasy food as you can stomach, washing it down with 50 (if you have ambitions of baldness) or Dark (if you rather like having hair, thank you). Although I must say that quality of life in this office has improved since we got the tunes-box. Not to mention the increased exposure of Math students at large to Rush. In fact, any time you feel like hearing some Rush, just come by the office & let us know... we'll be glad to oblige. You know, it's time to seriously start feeling old when half your friends are either married or have definite intentions to become that way within the next couple of years. Perhaps you're getting annoyed with the mindless babbling and in-joking that we've packed this with... Unlucky. You don't like it? Tell us that, then. We're kinda curious how many people are really reading this shit. And we go an entire term and no original T-shirt suggestions! You all suck. Have you ever noticed how good the Montreal-style bagels in the C&D are? Try 'em, you'll like 'em. Token math content: V(G) >= (kappa(G))diam(G) - 1) + 2... why? Beats the fuck out of me. Current and back issues of mathNEWS are available electronically via the World Wide Web at http://www.undergrad.math.uwaterloo.ca/~mathnews. Send your correspondence to: mathNEWS, MC3041, University of Waterloo, 200 University Ave. W., Waterloo, Ontario, Canada, N2L 3G1, or to userid firstname.lastname@example.org on the Internet. Like you're going to write to us anyways. Hey, I found a book!
We're not just smooth, we're crazy smooth:
Matt ``So-Krates'' Walsh,
Brian ``Calculus Cowboy'' Fox
© 1997 mathNEWS
© 1997 mathNEWS