mathNEWS Issue 78.5: Friday, November 6, 1998

Damn, just take Tylenol or something

From your Snuggly Social Director

That must be it, it could be the only reason, you all must have headaches. That could be the only possible reason that you haven't all fulfilled my unofficial slogan (Let's Get Mathies Laid). Either that or you're not attending my rocking social events. It's gotta be one or the other people, so I suggest you start coming to my events or start on the heavier painkillers (or do both). Getting back to reality (ahhh, do we have too?) I have a funny reality quote. "I don't want to go back to the real world, please don't make me" — that was said to a friend of mine who is a counselor for my camp on the last day of camp. Moving on to things germane to my article (no that doesn't say german, that is actually a real word, I just don't know how to spell it, I hope Matt will make it be in English for all you who don't speak Skrzydlo-ese). [He's right: he doesn't know how to spell it. — Rich] I love brackets. Insert random "saying hi snuggles in the middle of your calculus class" comment here.

My little Halloween party was awesome (Pub Night at Fed Hall, Oct 30). We had somewhere around 100 people come (damn I'm good). I gave away lots of stuff and had a lot of fun because there was a mike for me to play with (not mike as in michael, mike as in microphone, although I'm sure I would have fun if you sat me down in a room with someone named mike and said I could play with him, hehehehehe). One of the prizes given away was Pure Funk (a CD with the theme from Shaft, word up, kung fu fighting among other songs that would make it into the MAD TV sketch Dirty Walker Funky Talker) won by Brian "The Calculus Cowboy" Fox (allowing me to say "Calculus Cowboy" on the mike). We had a pool tournament won by Latrell (which allowed me once again to say "Calculus Cowboy" on the mike, coincidence, you figure it out). Lots of awesome costumes. In fact we had a costume contest, it was won by Pam A (which stands for anything but Anderson) who was Bobo "Are you the horse's face?" the Clown (she won Laura Secord Chocolate). In second was Drew "I'm so old" (I don't remember what he won) and third was Lara "rrrrrr" Thompson (she won a vibrating pen with a game on top, the next day she told me the batteries were low. Where were ya Pete?). I was dressed up in my soccer referee uniform and pigtails, my favorite answer to what I was is "me", although some very nice person pointed out that I was like that guy in the movie Ladybugs, actually she said "you remind me of Ladybugs." I needed an explanation. The fuchsia Pink Tie was in the house, along with a bazillion other pink ties (we put them all along the rim of the upper balcony), and lots of pink, orange, and black balloons. Unfortunately there wasn't enough helium (I love helium, with a helium balloon I can entertain myself for hours: balloon goes up, I pull balloon down, balloon goes up, I pull balloon down, balloon goes up, I pull balloon down).

I've gotta talk a bit about why the person I want to be this week is Batman. (Note to people who weren't there, so this makes sense you have to realize that the Thompson Twins (Lara and Natalie) were dressed up as Poison Ivy and Catwoman, but we'll talk more about them later) OK Batman, he dresses up in a funky costume that doesn't involve pigtails, he is extremely rich yet doesn't really work much, he is called a playboy (articles shmarticles), he has awesome toys to play with (hell he carries around a belt full of toys, that would be awesome, oh look, I'm in calculus again, I'm bored, ah well, time to play with my bat-lederhosen or when things got really ugly I'd just whip out my trusty bat-integral repellent), he flies around fighting crime in the night by simply scaring the shit out of the criminals by being dressed like a bloody flying rodent, he has someone that basically is just there to feed him and clean his room (I think Alfred is really his mother) and he is a super hero (mmmmm, I bet he's friends with Wonder Woman. I didn't even mention the fact that his costume has rubber nipples on it (yet Batgirl's doesn't). Now lets look at the people he hangs out with. First his friends, Batgirl (Alicia Silverstone), and Kim Basinger, wow. Then there are the super villains. OK, he hears all the latest jokes and riddles (The Joker and The Riddler), he goes up against someone with two faces (I guess he isn't the horse's ass then), someone who always wears a cumberbund and uses an umbrella as the weapon of choice (The Penguin), and someone whose henchmen do sow cow triple toe loop combinations (Dr. Arnold — Freeze) ... bah, that's not hard. And then the last two villains (Poison Ivy and Catwoman, as I mentioned earlier). I wouldn't mind wrestling with those two. Never mind Uma Thurman and Michelle Pfeiffer, the Thompson Twins are better, never mind the fact that they are both gorgeous, they're also smart and not bent on world domination or intrinsically evil (OK, we can work on some things) and they amuse me (OK, everything amuses me). So in conclusion, I enjoy playing with a certain pussy ... cat but Poison Ivy gave me a rash (but it was worth it), And I have decided to go into seclusion for 10 years learning the necessary skills it takes to be batman and take over, defending the crime ridden streets of the Kitchener Waterloo Area. And I'll run MathSoc and take a full course load, OK, OK, that would be unrealistic (the MathSoc and full course load part).

I guess I should get back to my various directorship announcements instead of just ranting about Batman. Actually I think I'm kind of getting to like writing my biweekly mathNEWS article; it's very therapeutic. Next week (Nov 12) no movie night because of Charity Ball (next paragraph). The week after (Nov 19) The Mask of Zorro and Desperado (Antonio Banderes squared). We are thinking about running SpaceBalls and History of the World Part 1 on Nov 26, e-mail me if you have any opinions on movie nights, or on anything that will amuse me (and remember, everything amuses me) movies@mathsoc

CHARITY BALL (Thursday Nov 12). We are selling tickets for our charity ball ($30 for a single ticket, $55 for a pair, $210 for a full table — 8 people). There is a free Ballroom dancing lesson, followed by a sit down formal dinner (with real food, chicken parmesan or a vegi stir fry, lots of side dishes, cherry cheesecake and black forest cake, I know the important things, main dish and dessert). There will also be a Live and Silent Auction (with the snuggly auctioneer) as well as tonnes of prizes. (gift certificates to a lot of local stores and other random stuff that was donated. If you want to know what, come by the MathSoc exec office and ask Jen or myself.) I assure you that everyone there will have a good time and on top of winning stuff and having fun you are also supporting a very important charity just by attending (and paying for the ticket), that being the Kitchener Waterloo Hospital Emergency Ward.

Wow, I didn't have much real to say, I hope you have found this week's rant as enjoyable as it was for me to write it. I suppose I should go read the required readings for my midterm tomorrow. (Yes I've only gone to one and a half classes, but I don't feel bad skipping because I only skip once per week. I love night classes.) Well I hope to see you all at movie night and Charity Ball. (I just thought of another reason to come: you can say "Hi Snuggles" multiple times at any event I run. Hmmmmmm, multiple references to me make people come, hmmm.)

Stephen Snuggles Skrzydlo
Movie Guy, Social Director, CS Rep, Crystal MEF, Anything Snuggly

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