Ask a CS 452 Student

Dear CS 452 Student,

I'm a man in his early twenties who has never had a real relationship with a woman. I've looked around, but it seems like the good ones are all taken. What can I do?

—Lonely in Lindsay

Dear Lonely,

  RegisterAs("Lukin4Luv");
  do {
    baby = AwaitEvent(SexyMama);
    response = Send(baby,
                    "Hey baby, wanna go for a ride?");
  } while (response == FALSE);

Dear CS 452 Student,

I'm in real trouble at work. My boss is expecting more from me than I can deliver, and the work is piling up. I can't take this, but I'm afraid I'll lose my job. Please help!

—Frustrated in Fonthill

Dear Frustrated,

  task = ReceiveSpecific(boss);
  Reply(boss, "Up yours!");
  Put(task, my_ass);
  Delay(MAX_DELAY);
  sucker = WhoIs("assistant");
  response = Send(sucker, task);
  Put(response, my_ass);

Dear CS 452 Student,

I've become obsessed lately thinking about death, of my own and of the people I love. It's hard to live my life when I'm always afraid of what might happen next. Can you give me any advice?

—Anxious in Arnprior

Dear Anxious,

  Kernel initializing...
  Copying GDT entries...
  Initializing GDT entries for first process...
  Creating process stack...
  Launching first process...
  ERROR: Unhandled system call exception 0xC3
  General Protection Fault exception on selector 0x0
  Unrecoverable error.  System Halted.

Dear CS 452 Student,

I love my girlfriend, but she spends more time in the real time lab than she does with me! Last night I tried to talk to her about it, but she just kept saying the words "context switch" over and over. What does this mean?

—Petulant in Petawawa

Dear Petulant,

  NMI button pressed.  Rebooting.

Richard Bilson is a syndicated advice columnist whose weekly column, Ask a CS 452 Student, appears in over one newspaper nationwide. He is also the author of the book What I Did On My Summer Vacation.