The FCC announced yesterday that the PlayStation2 (PS2) is no longer available for export to Nimbabwe. After weeks of extensive testing, FCC officials discovered that the PS2 contains technology sophisticated enough to power a state of the art bagel toaster.
The advocates of superior toaster technology, Bagel International Guardians of Toaster Innovating Technology, (BIGTIT) have cried foul at the ban. "Bagel Technology should not be reserved for the rich!" said Rupert Jensen, the head of BIGTIT. "We will not stand idly by while the US deprives Nimbabwe of finely toasted bagels!"
President of Sony Electronics, Widget Cogswell, cited unforeseen corruption of harmless home electronics as the cause of the ban. "We can hardly account for all possibilities of corruption. The next thing you know, they're going to be telling us that you can view porn on the PS2 so it isn't suitable for children under 18."
Avid gamer, Marty Peaches, who received his PS2 on his thirteenth birthday, had this to say about the ban to Nimbabwe. "Forget about bagels, man. YOU CAN WATCH PORN ON IT!"
BIGTIT contends that opinions such as Peaches' are few and far between. "Porn is not the issue here. Bagels belong in every home. If the ability to watch multi-angle porn comes with it, that's an issue for another activist group.
Nimbabwe president, Kenny Crispin, says "DVD is here. Nothing can change that. But please, let them eat bagels."
Reports of bagel burning protests in the streets of Nimbabwe's capital city are numerous. "How are we to properly toast our bagels without it [the PS2]?" shouted one man. "You smell that? Those are burnt bagels! The smell of a country defeated..."
The FCC will continue to listen to arguments regarding the ban until it can determine if the PS2 can convert said PS2 bagel toasters into intercontinental ballistic bagel cannons.