Only 75% of students agree on lack of Katie Holmes

A recent survey conducted by Reuters last week suggests that only 75% of students agree that there is a lack of Katie Holmes in the Math and Computer (MC) building at the University of Waterloo. The current content of Katie Holmes in MC is zero parts per million.

The survey, conducted over several days on the third floor of MC, consisted of several questions regarding the make-up of the population within MC. The breakdown of responses to the main question were as follows:

• 75% — Simply not enough Katie Holmes.
• 21% — Some days too much Katie, some days too little.
• 3% — Just the right amount of Katieness.
• 1% — Way, way, way too much of Ms. Holmes.

A subquestion was also posed to those who responded that there is not enough Katie Holmes. In response to the question: 'How much more Katie Holmes is needed to satisfy your needs?', the following results were obtained:

• 1% — I'd be satisfied with her personality.
• 1% — More big words, like on Dawson's Creek.
• 3% — Gimme her legs and be done with it.
• 10% — TITS! ermm, I mean, uh, she's got a great personality.
• 16% — She's so cute, I'd make do with her face.
• 69% — I won't be satisfied 'till I've had the WHOLE thing. Baby.

In addition, the subquestion 'Why is there too much Katie Holmes?' was given to those who responded 'Way, way, way too much of Ms. Holmes' to the original question. The results were as follows:

• 25% — She has better hair than me.
• 30% — Pacey is mine! DAMMIT! She can't have him. Can't! Can't! Can't! Can't!...
• 45% — She's stealing all the eligible men.

Similar questions regarding the population ratios in MC yielded inconsistent results. Some of the more interesting statistics were as follows:

• 70% also responded that there is not enough Jennifer Love Hewitt content.
• Of that 70%, 99% responded that they didn't care that "they aren't real."
• 83% responded that they already see plenty of Cindy Margolis, and don't need anymore.
• 67% replied that MC could use more Troy Vasigas to teach classes so that they don't have to fight for seats.
• A surprising 5% said that MC could use more David Hasselhoff.
• Of the 95% who replied otherwise, 100% stated that there were already too many unshaven men in the building.

While the results show a strong demand for more Katie Holmes and Jennifer Love Hewitt, and less David Hasselhoff, there is little hope that the ratios will change in the near future. When contacted, both Ms. Holmes and Ms. Hewitt stated that "Our content can be reached through our official web-pages."

KayDot Oh