Chalk vs. Kool Aid

Which Tastes Better

(In particular Green, since it's St. Patty's Day!!)

St. Patty's Day is all about getting drunk off green beer, so we conducted a taste test to see which coloring had a better taste in the oh-so-precious beer: Kool Aid or Chalk. Chalk or Kool Aid. For the purposes of the taste test we used only the green variety to maintain accuracy.

Actually, due to a lack of green Kool Aid and green chalk the taste test fell through, and we resorted to old (faulty) data and a good old democratic vote to decide. The results of which show 2 for chalk; 6 for Kool Aid; 4 for they both suck; 1 for all your green are belong to us. This poll had a surprisingly high voter turnout with 13 votes cast by the 5 people surveyed. This poll clearly shows the incompetence of the pollster, who should be fired.

Chalk

Though not typically edible, Chalk has been inhaled by professors on a daily basis for years and hence they will no longer be able to sense the chalk. The same argument should also apply to the intense student who has done sufficiently many examples on the chalk board, though while such a student may have a lesser ability to sense chalk they will need to consume enough green beer to drown their woes that the poignant drywall-esque flavour may ruin an otherwise enjoyable St. Patty's Day. I personally have found that when eating drywall it's best to have something bitter with the drywall in order to soothe the taste. So intuitively I would think to add horseradish to the beer after the chalk in order to neutralize the drywallesque taste. This plan, though, is doomed because the horseradish won't mix evenly without constant stirring which is difficult for the inebriated.

Kool Aid

Kool Aid stirs memories of elementary school when the local entrepreneur was dealing Kool Aid at a profit and raking in the dough. He bought the powder from 'the store' for $1.14 and sold it to the suckers in the schools for $1.15. Then all the kids in the school got hooked and because there was only one Kool Aid dealer in my school he could sell the powder at $1.15 and, as anyone who has taken ECON 101 will tell you, nobody will lower their price unless there's competition. So the $1.15 price stuck and he made at least $0.34 off this scam. The scam worked so well because of the addictive nature of Kool Aid. (Disclaimer: I will admit that the Kool Aid lobby has conducted 3 independent studies into the addictive nature of Kool Aid, all 3 of which had inconclusive findings. Though I would cite the 1969 report by Dr. Lollotta Fagina that states "Kool Aid is addictive dude, and sweet too!")

It's this addictive property that makes me want to discourage adding it to the St. Patty's day beer—we don't want anyone to become addicted to beer.

So in conclusion neither Kool Aid nor Chalk will be a suitable coloring so we will have to cancel St. Patty's Day until a suitable coloring is found. We are conducting a thorough investigation so don't worry: we will be ready for St. Patty's Day by 2010.

The taste test this term was significantly better then in the fall when we had to taste test motor oil to realize it would be a poor choice of coloring for Halloween.

Dave