Advanced Boy Watching

So, you're a woman in math. Congratulations, you should have no problems finding a date — right? Wrong! As they say, "the odds are good, but the goods are odd." Also, in the immortal words of Jerry Seinfeld, "95% of the population is undateable." So how do you quickly eliminate the losers and find that 5% of the dateable population? Here is a quick field guide that you can use to categorize your classmates:

• Boy type one: the ugly/smelly geek.
  These are very easy to identify. Generally, they own only one pair of pants (permanently stained, and don't ask about the origin of the stain) and only own enough shampoo to wash once a week. Undateable.
• Boy type two: the genital-size-fixated geek.
  These are also easy enough to identify. The first sentence out of his mouth is, "My ____________ { processor | car | pay cheque | genitals } is ___________ { bigger | better | faster } than yours." Don't be fooled if he doesn't explicitly talk about the size of his genitals, he's still trying to prove his manhood to you. Gentlemen, a friendly tip — be confident in your manhood, do not try and prove it to the ladies at every opportunity. These needy braggarts are, of course, undateable.
• Boy type three: the arrogant geek.
  Thinks the world owes him huge, in terms of money, cars, and women, because of his mathematical or computational prowess. He is wrong, and undateable.
• Boy type four: the indeterminate-sexuality geek.
  Math boys break gaydar. It's something about the non-conformist dress and attitude, coupled with a lack of socialization, that makes it hard to tell whether a boy is gay, or just in math. Needless to say, if you (as a woman) cannot figure out whether or not a boy is gay, it's best just to mark him as undateable [Well, looks like I found my category ... I was hoping I was a type nine :( — Pete Love].
• Boy type five: the shy/confused geek.
  This one has potential, but he is a project. Unfortunately, the courses that you are taking also have projects, and those are more important. A mathie woman just can't spare the time and effort to try and convert the shy/confused geek into a decent geek, so he is undateable.
• Boy type six: the overworked geek.
  His OS assignment is more interesting than you could ever be. Undateable.
• Boy type seven: the frat-boy geek.
  Always drinking, always partying, always flirting. His attention is flattering to you. He seems to know all of the moves. Well, he does know all the moves, and that is from practice. You are now just one of an endless series of women. If you are smart, this one is undateable.
• Boy type eight: the Comfy Lounge geek.
  Takes bridge and other Comfy Lounge diversions very seriously — too seriously, in fact. All of this wasted time will haunt him on his deathbed. Undateable.
• Boy type nine: the decent geek.
  Description and whereabouts unknown. All that is known about the decent geek is that he is smart, good-humoured, reasonably good looking, can't be mistaken for being gay, and the antithesis of the eight other types of geeks. Generally dateable. If one is found, please contact the editors of mathNEWS, and save him for Your Love Tutor.

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