Ym (step-by-step)
How to look your Shaggiest

Makeover with Shaggy is like a Do-over with Snoop Doggy

When you're expecting that special plush broadloom over for dinner, you want to look your shaggiest. So our special investigative team interviewed the Shaggiest of all Shags, his Royal Shagginess, the Shagmiester, Shagamaphone, Shaggy. Here is what he had to say.

Shaggy Shag here with some fashion tips, old school styles, west side ... story. The most important thing to remember is to look your best. That way your dumb ass jokes won't matter. So here we go with a simple 12 step system that'll let you keep drinking yak's milk shooters (yak's milk is the official drink of all things Shaggy, yak's milk is pink).

1. Smell purdy. Go out and buy some good rugged rug shampoo. I recommend chamomile and rose hips.
2. Get your carpet cleaned, if you know what I mean. Get yourself to a sauna and get a good steam cleaning: it'll help keep what should be straight straight and keep your curls curly.
3. Get a trim. Nothing is more embarrassing than a hair out of place. Except maybe getting in trouble because the stain didn't come out with step number two. Damn inquest, damn impeachment proceedings, damn not keeping that cigar.
4. Touch up those white spots. See above for how you got them; now how are you going to get rid of them? I recommend pink dye number 5: it's like the mambo, but without the creepy overtones.
5. Accessorize, accessorize, accessorize. Your appearance is heavily dependent on what is seen around you. And for me and mine, that is the furniture. You can look young, dumb, and full of rum by having a futon and wet bar. Or you can look distinguishingly sophisticated with a king sized bed and mirrors on the ceiling.
6. Pad yourself in all the right places. Be it your under padding to make sure you don't scuff your knees or your upper padding to make sure you stand out front and centre, it'll help you get to the point where you get to take that padding off.
7. Repeat steps 1–6, you can never be too fresh.

Well I hope that gets you a little closer to your special someone. And if doesn't work, refer to my diatribe on being yourself, since that's all that really matters. 'Cause if you ain't yourself, who the hell are you? My bitch, that's who you are. This is the Shagadelic one signing off; maybe one time I'll actually get home, till then I'll continue my romp around the world (with a small pause to write a fashion article). Peace out yo!

The Goon Squad