Have You Got a Name For It?

resolving the resolute

Happy New Year's to you all. This new term is especially strange for me, as this is the first time that I'm on campus for 8 consecutive months. (Damn co-op) This is also the first time since 1997 that I'm doing school for 8 consecutive months. (Damn co-op yet again) I wonder where did the rest of my 1997 Frosh week team go? Yo, a shout out to all the Jesters in da house. If you are/were a Jester stand up and run around the classroom *RIGHT NOW*.

I have been informed that this year is a palindrome year. So now I'm pissed off that there are not 20 months in a year. That way we could have had 20/02/2002. That would've been cool. But now we'll just have to do with 02/20/2002 or 02/02/2002 which are clearly not as cool.

Despite all my Rage, I'm still just a rat in the Machine

Pink Floyd chose to welcome us to the Machine. Zach de la Rocha decided to just Rage against it. I wrote something about Raging against Rage Against the Machine a loooooooong time ago (See December 04 1999 issue). A few weeks ago, some very nice person (who only swore once during his flame) chose to point out the errors that I made along the way. While admittedly this person knew a lot more about Rage Against the Machine than I do, the response that Pete Love wrote to him was priceless. I was extremely amused by this. Thanks, Pete!
And further on the subject, Rage Against the Machine decided to break up since I wrote that fateful article. No word on whether they read my ramblings and decided that that is it, we have to go. But the neat thing is, that this little incident proves that people do read what you write and will get upset if whatever it is you write rubs them the wrong way. As for the person who chose to criticize me: feel free to bash the Smashing Pumpkins (of course they have broken up as well).

Resolve THIS

The New Year is a time for making resolutions. Making resolutions is clearly a big business (almost as big as making US flags — part of the program of leading the US economy out of a recession is by making flags) illustrated by the fact that resolution-making "experts" appear on radio talk shows and CNN talk shows (in between "War on Terrorism" updates) to educate the masses about how to make a New Year's resolution. Of course, all people care about is a) quitting smoking — which makes me want to start smoking, just so that I can quit, and b) losing weight — which is as vague as "world peace." I just have one question: How do I become one of those resolution experts? I mean that is one sweet-ass job. Your only commitment is to various variety TV/radio shows in late December. For the rest of the time you could be one of those people who go around saying things that everyone already knows, but charging enormous speaking fees for it.

People ask me what my New Year's resolutions are. I tell them that I don't have any. Considering the miserable attainment statistics that resolutions have, it's probably a good thing. And while I usually believe in superstitious junk like that (whenever I get up in the morning, the first foot to touch the ground has to be my right foot, not the left foot. I am not exactly sure what happens if I were to get out of bed on my left foot. I just know that I have to use my right foot); I don't believe in New Year's resolutions. So, without believing in them, these are my resolutions:

1. Start Smoking
2. Establish World Peace
3. Abolish World Hunger
4. Wave Flags
5. Lose Weight
6. Be More Patriotic
7. Join the Dark Side
8. Win the War on Drugs
9. Drug the War on Wins
10. Pass STAT 231 (Woohoo! DONE, one down, maaaannnny more to go)
11. Welcome to the Machine
12. Rage Against the Machine
13. Rage against Rage Against the Machine
14. Sell out
15. Buy in
16. Be Saturnine
17. Expand my vocabulary
18. Find my perspicacity
19. Learn the meaning of perspicacity
20. Stop quoting the Simpsons so much
21. Say D'oh!
22. D'oh!
23. Quit Smoking

Anton