As you all may or may not know, this past Monday was the first mathNEWS production night. As those of you who were there for the first mathNEWS production night may or may not know, I failed to be present for it. No, this is not because I hate you. Well, maybe Raymond. I was doing other things.
By other things I mean playing cards for dinner. By dinner I mean money. First I took $20 out of my bank account, and discovered I was overdrawn by about $200, which I call a bad thing. So I did what any intelligent person would do. I bought a hot dog from DC.
Armed with my hot dog, I returned to the Comfy Lounge where I started playing a game of Barbou, or Barbu, depending how you feel like spelling it. I prefer George. This was a good game of George, where by good I mean I won $12. By $12 I mean 5 1/2 dollars, with someone else's never-to-be-paid debt transferred to me. Since my hot dog and fries from DC were about 3 1/2 dollars, I'm up $2. So, ever vigilant in my quest to justify production night and miss free pizza, we played another game of George, which I like to call Doowadoodaday, in which I won another $11 1/2. (Up to $12.50) Since Doowadoodaday, which I like to call money-in-my-pocket, takes roughly three hours and a bit to play, we switched to money bridge, where I won fifty cents. Up $14.00.
So armed with my new-found wealth, I did what any intelligent person would do: I went to Morty's to miss wing night by an hour. Having missed wing night, I had to buy real food, which came to $14 with tip. So, now I'm even, except one of the $11.50 from the second game is forthcoming from Dave still, so my wallet only has $19 in it. Now, at about 2:30 am, I decided to do what any totally insane person would do.
I noticed while walking to Morty's that it wasn't really cold, just snowy. I figured I'd be safe with my sweater with a hood, and decided to walk home. It's only an hour walk.
It wasn't really cold for the 180 degrees of direction you can walk where you're not walking in to the wind. For the other 180 degrees, the snow cakes your glasses and fogs them up, and the snow settles on your forehead where the cold causes a sharp pain. You know you've made the walk from Plaza to Campus too many times when you don't need to be able to see to do it. When I got to the Math Building (father, mother, secret lover) I called a taxi for an uncomfortable ride home.
So you see, I learned four things on mathNEWS production night. First, if I play cards on production night I will clean house. Second, any money I win will immediately be spent on food. Third, never underestimate the weather when you have an hour to walk in it. And fourth, don't try walking for an hour in the cold windy snow when you haven't gone to the bathroom in almost 24 hours, you're not gonna make it.
Next article: Seventeen ways to clean your pants and pick up women at the same time.