Dos and Don'ts of Being a Cult Member

DO:

1. Remember to tie your hair back when you perform the sacrificial burning.
2. Wear undergarments under your ceremonial cloak.
3. Wash your hands after drinking your pig's blood, otherwise you may get salmonella.
4. Refrain from talking to your peers at the next virgin sacrifice, because that's just inconsiderate.

DO NOT:

1. Double-park next to an elder's car.
2. Run in your floor-length ceremonial cloak.
3. Wear your sacred amulet in the shower. It may short-circuit.
4. Try to "personalize" your ceremonial cloak with pins, buttons, pom-poms or sparkly paint. You may get rebuked, or killed.
5. Trade cloaks with your fellow cult member, especially if you do not wear undergarments under your cloak (in which case, see DO #2).

Angela