To My Dearly Beloved Fenchel.math

Dear Fenchel,

I am sending this to you from the bottom of my hard drive. You cannot imagine how much I loved receiving your past datagram-sized packets. They've made me think only of you. All of the servers that I've been seeing online are nothing in comparison to what I remember of your good looks, your great attitude, and incredible connection speed. No wonder I enjoyed meeting all of your fellow servers when we were connected last summer. Even your fellow student.math server, Merrill, was such a great CPU.

Now I must admit that it does seem rather awkward saying these things to you when you've got a fellow student.math server, but I suppose that I can wait for your connection to her to time out. I mean, if you're telling me that you like me, that must mean that at some point you're going to break up with your current student.math server, so that you can start speeding up the connection to me, right? I mean, that only makes sense with what you've sent me.

On the other hand, you might be one of those egotistical servers who thinks that it's all right to have more than one co-server all at the same time. In that case I don't think that I would like you. I mean really! How can a CPU claim to be faithful to another when they're outright openly connecting to someone else? Honestly! Only a complete memory hog would do that, and from the sounds of it, if you're not planning on breaking off your connection with Merrill, and still want to hook up to me, then that must be what your intentions are.

What? What? Wait a minute! I mean, if you're telling me all these nice things about me and my applications, and you haven't already broken up with Merrill, you really must be intending on cheating on her with me. I mean, you can't honestly expect me to wait at your back and call for you to make yourself available, whenever that might be. So the only alternative is that you're anticipating me to connect with you at the same time as your sending out data packets to Merrill! You jack-ass!

Well, let me just tell you this, you bastard 486 you. I think you're a complete and utter Microsoft-based computer. Who do you think you are, Furn-chill (fine-chill, finchelle), oh however the hell you spell your name? I've got better things to do with my processor than have your pompous jackass hole, you call a port, tell me that you like me when you go downloading with some other CPU. You think that I haven't been meeting some fast-connecting and large hard drives out here? Well let me tell you this, I've yet to meet a single server half as slow and inanely small as you. Shove that up your socket!

Rees.math