mastHEAD

Think "Muppet Show"

It's time to write the mastHEAD
It's time to write it right
It's time to learn about mathNEWS Production Night!
I wasn't there again
I was nowhere nearby
I'm still in Banff, Alberta — eating pumpkin pie!

So Muppet Show song parody aside (and the fact that I've never eaten pumpkin pie), there was apparently a Production Night and people even answered a question: "Why didn't you win the Miss Oktoberfest title?" Leading to the following plethora of answers: Aaron Klotz (This Miss don't do no "favours" for the judges — world peace!), Jim Morrison (I bought my "UW Math Girls Kick Ass" shirt too late. But I would have won, I'm dead sexy.), Ian MacDonald (The judges had too little to drink.), Krease (I was too overqualified.), Ian MacKinnon (You can't win two years in a row.), David T (I didn't buy enough raffle tickets.), Diana Chisholm (What do you mean? I did!), Dave (I forgot to wax my bikini area.), Snuggles (My swimsiut was too risque.), Anton (I am already, Miss Canada, Miss America, Mr. Right, Miss Universe, Mr. Wrong, Miss Pre-Teen, Dirty Old Man, Time's Man of the Year, Miss Expectand Mother, Father of the Year, and Employee of the Month.), Eric (It violates the terms of my parole), Albert (Apperently I don't look good in a thong bikini.), Simon L'Avier (Failed the urine test ... I peed blood.).

Thanks to the good folks at Graphics who do our printing. Also thanks to Campus Pizza for being so prompt and to the Pretzel Dude who called us "good customers." I guess he doesn't read mathNEWS.

Louis Mastorakos (Unfair disqualification of all people born in October)