WARNING!!! SOAP DOES WORK!!! USE IT!!!

Unlike previous proofs and warnings, it has been observed that indeed SOAP DOES WORK!! It is NOT a hazard to your health!!! It removes grease, and tar, and dirt, and grime, and essentially everything else, but those unsightly stalkers. (Yeah, we still haven't found a way of getting rid of those. Try hiring some thugs to help you out.) So go out and tell your friends, and your family, and yourself, and your loved ones, and your math text, and anything else you can think of, that soap indeed does work! It should be used, and used often! You should use it more than anything else you will ever use! (This includes things that are used at night with your significant other! Otherwise you'll have a hard time keeping that significant other — that is, unless your significant other uses soap less than you do, in which case you might want to suggest the use of soap). So remember! Soap works on platypi! (But platypi do not go "Moo")