Top X things to do with squirrels.

(Where X == fluffy.length (I name all of my arrays fluffy))

• Write articles about squirrels and submit them to mathNEWS.
• Teach the squirrels to write articles and submit them to mathNEWS.
• Catch'em all.
• Teach them English, naming common items dirty words. You can also try this with children.
• Teach them to respond to visual stimuli with their paws (i.e. play videogames).
• Map their genome (you know you want to) and then show it to some biology students and say, "Beat you to it!"
• Tame them; then give them gas masks; then attach cyanide sprayers to their backs. Keep your distance and watch how the humans react.
• Cover them with glitter. Come on, that would be SWEET!
• Freeze them to keep them fresh.
• Teach them it is okay to copulate in big fields. What? Am I the only one who wants to see that?
• Test whether or not squirrels always land on their feet.
• If (X-10) {make a squirrel cannon, fire them at people;}
• Trade the squirrels in for kangaroos, or some other aquatic mammal.
• Teach them the deadly arts.
• Did someone say squirrel porn?
• Put sticky tack on their feet so they can walk on walls and ceilings and trees with ease.
• Teach them math.
• Teach them math wrong.
• Paint the black one grey and the grey ones black. Everyone will think they are in the bizzaro universe.
• Go out for a burger.
• Buy a telephone.
• Teach them integrals ... THEN derivatives! (Gasp!)
• Caffeinate the squirrels.
• Dye them pink.
• Put hard hats on them, and club them repeatedly with large sticks.
• Outrun, Outclimb, Outnut? Reality squirrel TV.
• V1 Squirrel burger night.
• Send them to Russia.
• Give them breast implants.
• Get them drunk.
• Get them stoned. WHOA MAN just think!
• Stone them.
• Train them to leave messages in fields.
• Attach "lasers" to their heads.
• See if they can swim.
• See if they can reenact the Crusades.
• See if they can reenact the Monty Python's portrayal of the Crusades.
• Canonize a random squirrel.
• Revere them as gods.
• Sell them into slavery and then emancipate them.
• Elect them to MathSoc.
• Before teaching them English, give them pens and get them to write for Imprint, thereby improving the content.
• Get them to improv.
• Have one elected as president. Name him George Bushy-tail.
• Teach them to count only in base 17.
• Develop the "Squirrel Awards."
• Give them space suits.
• Convince NASA to spend 14 million dollars to research whether squirrels can be trains to sort tiny screws on the moon.
• Teach them to play football.
• Let them play for the Cincinatti Bengals.
• Have squirrels as the theme of next year's Frosh Week.
• Develop the Save the Squirrels Society.
• Develop the Kill the Squirrels Society.
• Develop the Faculty of Squirrels and elect "The Squirrel" as dean.
• Make a squirrel team for EngScunt.
• Put them all in hamster balls. PANDEMONIUM! [Super Monkey Ball 3: Squirrels!! — Simon]
• Put them in capsulized buggies. In each buggy, give them control of another buggy, which they may or may not be able to see.
• Shave them and use the hair to make a stylish wig.
• Give them monk robes and teach them to chatter in unison.
• Go to www.student.math.uwaterloo.ca/~dwhelton for no reason.

Okay, that last one was not about squirrels.

There is method to my madness, it just has no parameters.

squirrelKING
and his nuttyMINIONS