HorrorScopes

Your Cattle Future Awaits

Charting the course of your futures for the past year, we predict a 300% increase in your kinetic energy prices.

ACC
You have a revelation that you don't know any math outside addition and subtraction, and quite possibly fractions. The lack of rudimentary arithmetic knowledge will disturb you until you decide to eat something.
Use your addition skills to help out those SCI, for they only think they know math.
Your lucky number is 1+1=2.

ACTSCI
(NOTE: You can make your own HorrorScope this week! Circle the choices to make your own HorrorScope!) Congratulations/Sorry about your recent level X (where X is any positive integer value) Actuarial exam. I'm sure you put in your hardest/laziest effort and you honestly/crappily deserved your pass/fail. Now you have Y (where Y is a depressingly high positive integer value) exams to look forward to/loath.
If a CS laughs at you for taking Actuarial exams, remind them that MCSE's are completely worthless in the jobsite.
Your lucky number is Y remaining exams.

AM
Show those physics geeks what they're missing from not being in math by creating a giant snowball machine that would repeatedly hurl Calculus textbooks filled with snow at the Dana Porter library. Try to fill the moat with Calculus textbooks. Declare victory.
UNDECLARED may be swayed to declare AM as their major after your stunt.
Your lucky number is $123.40/book.

BBA/BMath
Life is like a text-based adventure game: You encounter a philosophical crisis. You see the Tim Horton's at LAURIER and the Tim Horton's in the DC. Wait, where the hell are you standing if you see both of those? Downgrade to a lower dosage of caffeine.
Enlist the theoretical knowledge of a PMATH to prove that it's physically possible to stand at a place and see both Timmy's at the same time.
Your lucky number is 30,000 feet.

C&O
Your classes may be the only ones in the faculty that rewards the playing of the Rubik's Cube in class. Take advantage of this privilege, but upgrade to a Furby.
SOFTENG may be confused when they see you entering classrooms with Furbies and Rubik's Cubes. Watch them reboot in confusion.
Your lucky number is 4X4

CS
Your newly discovered sense of freedom is due to an extra 100 megs of diskquota. Fill it up quickly by reading every Penny-Arcade comic from 1998 and cacheing every image available. Do this before CSCF takes your diskquota away.
ARTS can help you in your endeavour by downloading massive amounts of porn, pop-up ads, GAIN software, and Windows.
Your lucky number is 89 extra megs of random crap.

PMATH
Prime Minister Paul Martin (PM²) will try to steal your identity, twice, claiming that majoring in him is an infringement of his intellectual property. In your rebuttal, do not use words such as 'misunderestimating'. He's not Bush.
BBA/BMATH have lots of money. Start your own legal defence fund.
Your lucky number is $1,000,000.

SOFTENG
You will find your loyalties tested when both MathSoc and EngSoc order you to deploy your weapons of mass distraction on the other. Because you love both faculties so much, you feel compelled to lie to both societies. Instead of lying, declare yourself free of weapons of mass distraction and seal yourself in the dankest and dirtiest spider-like hole you can find, like Phil's.
ACC may find your weapons of mass distraction. Lead them on a paper trail of confusion.
Your lucky number is 1 dank bar.

STAT
The probability of you getting a girlfriend is characterized by a random variable X, where X is of an exponential distribution. However, you make a calculation error, and all values of X are zero.
Complain to your nearest MATH/BUS. They may take pity on you and claim you as their pet.
Your lucky number is X

UNDECLARED
Be proud of your wishy-washy-ness. If other mathies find your indecision undesirable, remind them that you are steadfast in your conviction to remain indecisive.
You can be fickle, thus the good mathies are taken. Your own choices are either comfy loungers or CS.
Your lucky number is undefined.

ARTS
Just being in the Math building makes you smarter, but moving into the comfy lounge is a bad idea, both for your intellect and your hygiene. If you do decide to make the MC your home, bring a bottle of Febreeze and soap to ward off the natives.
Not all Mathies are dirty natives, ACTSCI are dateable, and most of them may or may not be girls!
Your lucky number is IQ of 75 (Dolphins have higher IQ's!)

ENG
When middle-eastern men come looking for weapons grade plutonium, direct them to McMaster. They're stupid enough to keep it in the middle of their campus. Instead, sell them pieces of iron encased in a plastic box and claim it's plutonium. Provide them with the telephone number of McMaster's switchboard with the refund policy.
BBA/BMATH are convincing salespeople. Use them to jack up the price and give them a cut of the profits.
Your lucky number is (905) 555-9140

SCI
Sell your services as a "fire alarm facilitator" to mathies in an attempt to decrease the number of false alarms. Actually set fires. Run like hell.
SOFTENG will create a distraction for you as long as you show them how to create fire. The concept of flame eludes these people.
Your lucky number is FIRE. Duh.

Amadaeus and Facetious