Elderly Woman Sues Iron Chef America

In what can only be called the lowest of American civil suits, a woman is suing the producers of Iron Chef America. Rosily Crotchet, 73, of the Cannondale Nursing Homes in Kentucky has sworn, "on her childrens' graves", that she came up with the original cooking competition.

"It was going to be called 'Kentucky Kulinary Kompetitons', and I thought the abbreviation would be catchy. But for some reason, the mean old man that would produce it for the radio said that people would hate it. I just don't understand..." stated Ms. Crotchet.

The producers for Iron Chef America had no comment, but the executives of the show's networks had this to say:

"We don't know what this woman has been smoking. We have no idea what 16 year old drug dealer sold it to her. But whatever the situation, we will weather it in the usual style. Look forward to our slander to come."

In the aftermath of the lawsuit launch, there have been a number of copycat lawsuits, involving shows as little known as 'Toad Patrol' to some of the bigger names, such as 'Friends' and 'Seinfeld'. When asked if this could be the next line of ridiculous lawsuits like the ones that pummeled the fast food chains ten years ago, network executives simply said, "Boo on them."

When asked if she had ever heard of the Iron Chef in Japan, Ms. Crotchet said, "I do not accept Japan as an independent state from America. America is the only country in this world, isn't it? Just ask that man, on the screen." Ms. Crotchet pointed to a video of George Bush speaking at a press conference which played on her televion. When asked, for curiousity's sake if she recognized Asia, Crotchet simply said, "Never heard of it."

In the meantime, the grandmother of 25, and mother of 5 deceased children rocks in her rocking chair, while crocheting a new afghan for her lawyer. Good luck, Ms. Crotchet. You'll need it.

Bitter Hag