Things the Liberals Would have to do Before People in Ontario Vote Conservative

• Have Paul Martin bite the head off of a dove
• Start publically referring to people from Toronto as "dupes"
• Allow gay marriage but not gay divorce
• Nerf guns in the house of commons
• Friday is "Dress as your favourite animal day" for Liberal MP's
• Make a statement to the effect of "We could learn a lot from the French government..."
• Tell people that they are raising taxes for the sole purpose of increasing subsidies to Newfoundland fisherman. Tell them there is a townhall meeting where any grievences can be aired in St. John's
• Pick a new party leader who was born in Texas
• Announcee that in order to balance out population growth, everyone who has a birthday in July is going to be forced to move to Saskatchewan.
• Prime Minister Martin admits he was the one who told Bush that there were WMD's in Iraq
• Make Canada's new nation anthem "Hate it or Love it" by 50 cent
• New Healthcare spending initiative called "Pimp my Hospital"

Ian W. MacKinnon
mathNEWS Editor